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Thursday, August 16th, 2007
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Bah, I violated probation again. Going to court tomorrow, hopefully just get reinstated and have to go drop.
B and Wen are watching the Bourne identity. I tried, but i watched it last week and just want to finish the supremacy. I ended up doing crunches and then i came up here.
Ran errands all day. Trained Ben at work. My girl starts tomorrow (or has her orientation).
Been kicking out new jams, even though i change the name of stuff every week i really think I'm sticking with "the great white north."
I should sleep, i have to wake up. This was just supposed to kill time until em txt'd me which i guess isn't happening.
good night.
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Saturday, July 14th, 2007
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I moved out again. I couldn't handle Northville, mostly because it was the antithesis of what i was told it was to be. "G, it's going to be sweet." "It's your own place." "You can do whatever, just no parties." Remember how it wasn't sweet? How they totally changed it to "you're living in my house so you have to do (insert random thing)?" How I couldn't do ANYTHING?
Every night i came home and was depressed because I was there and every morning I woke up depressed because I was there. The last couple weeks I lived there I pretty much stayed at Ben's dad's or wen's when his mom was gone. And when my aunt and uncle went to Maine, Emily and I lived there and it didn't suck. But, the day they came back I told them I was moving out.
I'm at Ben's now. It's ridiculous, rofl. Ben, B, Wen Lettey and I all live here so in the event we're all home it's very much like hanging out.. only we didn't go anywhere.
My family moved. I stay busy most of the time, but when I'm by myself (like now) I get really sad. I'm sure soon they won't miss me and my father will stop sending me pictures of the girl's in their new pool and having fun in texas. It's not that I don't want to see them or anything, it's just weird.
I've decided to go to EMU, like i always planned. Seriously, I decided to go there when I was 16.. this fall I'll be 19. Sure as fuck aren't getting any younger. My father always told me 4 years from now i'll still be 4 years older, but if I do this i'll at least be super close to my bio degree.
The tricky part is paying for it. I've decided that going into debt is my best option. Funny, because that's the reason I didn't go in the first place. My father is adamantly opposed to student loans. He thinks finishing school in debt is a step backwards... I think not finishing school is just turning around and walking away.
I have to drug test this morning. Since it's the weekend I only have between 6:30 and 9:30 am to do it. Lucky for me I stayed up and watched the last samurai otherwise I probably would've slept through it.
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Fucked up things seem to be following the crew.
I find out everyone was in jail.
I finally have something working out, only to have my aunt bust into my house at 8:30 and shut me down.
I wrecked the jetta today. Their zephyr was just fine... That bitch went from all "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" to very nice (probably after she saw that there was next to NO damage to her shit, and mine was through), to "thank god we're all alive." alive? it was a slow rolling collision.
I'm back in livonia, which is why i'm posting. I NEED (not sure you get it, I NEED a car. My family is peacing, I have to support myself (for the most part), I fucking need a car. I'm thinking lease? Well, i'm getting ahead of myself. But, when my mechanic calls me tomorrow and tells me it's gunna be a shit ton of money to fix my guy, i'm probably jumping to lease. Since I really just want tomsething I can afford and not have to worry about working.
Hung out at ryan's tonight with sipe.
Things aren't horrible, but they aren't sweet.
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Thursday, April 5th, 2007
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If Heaven had a face, it'd look something like you. And if heaven was a place, it'd take away my doom.
Heaven has a place for you and me.
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Wednesday, April 4th, 2007
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I hate being okay with loving nights like this.
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Chase just sent me a 15 dollar check. the stipulation is that when i cash it, they automatically sign me up for some service... but, if i cash it and like use the free trial of this service for like a week then cancel it.. i got 15 dollars for free. here's a survey
Name 10 bands you are really in to:
1. Every Time I Die
2. Heavy Heavy Low Low
3. Fear Before the March of Flames
4. Bear Vs. Shark
5. the Blood Brothers
6. Saves the Day
7. Straylight Run
8. Sneaker Pimps
9. Jeremy Elijah
10. Death Cab
now answer the questions according to the numbers.
+ what was the first song you ever heard by 6?
-- All I'm losing is me
+ what is your favourite album of 8?
-- Splinter
+ what is your favourite lyric that 5 has sung?
-- And we're just like those condom wrappers. Used up, torn up, thrown away.
+ how many times have you seen 4 live?
-- Wasn't lucky enough.
+ what is your favourite song of 7?
-- Another word for Desperate.
+ what is a good memory you have considering the music of 10?
-- Skipping school with Ben, just sitting in his car and freaking out while listening to we looked like giants.
+ is there a song of 3 that makes you sad?
-- No, can't say they have that effect on me. The state of texas vs. fear before kind of makes me go "hey texas, leave them alone."
+ what is your favourite lyric that 2 has sung?
-- We'll have you begging for your mother in the morning. Your father is out, he's damn right he should be worried. They'll call you Jane Doe. One in a million, one in the same, one empty chamber, one less to blame.
+ what is your favourite song by 9?
-- Stapleton's Great Escape
+ how did you get in to 3?
-- Paul was always talking about them. Then i had all 3 albums on my ipod and never really listened to them, but whenever a song would come on a shuffle i'd be like "that was way too good" and now i can't stop
+ what was the first song you heard by 1?
-- Kill the Music
+ what is your favourite song by 4?
-- Kylie
+ how many time have you seen 9 live?
-- None, he was supposed to come out to michigan to play with mendelson shape but he never left new york because his car wasn't having it. it will happen though.
+ what is a good memory you have concerning 2?
-- Hanging out all fucked up and everyone just screaming.
+ is there a song of 8 that makes you sad?
-- Perfect always did. weird.
+ what is your favourite album of 5?
-- shit... i'll give it to crimes, it's the one i listen to the most anyways.
+ what is your favourite lyric that 3 has sung?
-- If we give the horses blinders, they won't see the approaching ledge. too much time and effort spent on just another bridge. We trust the local doctors, we trust the medicine - our child gets a scratch, we give our child a whole new hand.
+ what is your favourite song of 1?
-- Ebolarama
+ what is your favourite song of 10?
-- Company Calls
+ how many times have you seen 6 live?
-- one so far
+ what is your favourite album of 2?
-- Everything's watched, everyone's watching (they only have one)
+ what is a great memory you have considering 9?
-- Being blown out at cecil's and getting a call and JE going "hey, it's jeremey"
+ what is your favourite lyric that 6 has sung?
-- As I'm talking my words slip to the floor and they crawl through your legs and slide under the backdoor.
+ what was the first song you heard by 8?
-- Six Underground.
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my striking foot hurts like hell after the epic game of battle hack tonight.
2 new mendelson shape songs, Bam!Bam!'s first two songs are nearing completion ("Smooth Jazz" and "Taking Back Fun-day"). So I finally have some stuff in the works. hmmm. more later.
it's the way you treat me like i can't leave that made me walk away in the first place. And we turned at a dozen paces, for love is a duel.
So you address with me your weapons drawn. Your lips curve up when your charm turns on and i cave in, because it's easier this way.
I see you like you see yourself, like a character you read about. And my single mistake, was taking you off of the shelf.
If everything you ever wanted, doesn't look like what you got. Then all the things you asked for, weren't exactly what you thought.
And if everything you ever wanted, just sort of looks like me. Then you better fucking take it, or i'm asking you to leave.
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Thursday, March 29th, 2007
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6 Double 0 capsules later, i've got my chill on... but, i think i need more.
I have to go to my new place tomorrow and feed my fish, want to come?
I have work at 5 (first time closing), then my training is over.
Tonight was excellent. Fear before, park, ridiculous friends.. can't go wrong.
shit, maybe i lied. 6 capsules probably did it, very well.
Time to go listen to art damage and read until i pass out.
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Wednesday, March 28th, 2007
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If I wasn't so damn good at most other things... or at least, good at getting good at things i care about, i wouldn't find these things to be so overwhelming. These are my thoughts during a 4 ball run. Not what the best shot is, or what english i need to use to get the best shot on the next ball, or whether or not to even continue the run or to push dobbs into a hole. Nope, all these things are second nature and come to me seconds within my stepping to the table. So, as i lean over and take a shot with just the right angle to make the cut, and just enough topspin to leave me in perfect position... this is what i think about. In my billiards induced state of calm, i let my mind touch on subjects that have been giving me trouble. For one, do i even believe it? Do I believe a word of it? Nope. Having gone over it again, I see that either things are so horribly skewed from that little corner of the world... or, it is fictitious to the core. Second, will i do well at my new job? Of course I will. It's too easy to fuck up and since when do i not do well at work? Did Neal Cassady regret the whole Joan situation? Later on he touched upon the whole, ideal life/ever after scenario.. but, having fucked up the first one... was he okay?
And then, with my pants all rolled up and barefoot.. i enjoyed the rain.
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Four hours of roaming the neighborhood in the dead of night, getting lost in the woods, holding a council on a fallen tree, three men's opinions on five separate issues and one thirty mile drive later... all I'm saying is, no matter the support I'm scared. Never mind the balls to the wall mentality, or how right they are... I'm getting dodgy. DODGY WITH MY BROTHERS?! Since when? The fact remains, failure doesn't bode well with me. I've got a sure fire way to do things right, but I don't know that all the parts are present. I'm afraid of losing my excuses. Of committing. Success always just comes. I am as a general rule, fortunate in that regard. Passion, conviction.. all the things i value, i'm questioning just to make an exception. Because I've committed. Maybe too early? More likely, far too late. I watched a train pass and wanted it more than anything. I knew i loved it way too much and when I said so, all b had to say was "a lot of shit going down on that train... and it's just going away." and i fucking get it. But, maybe I missed it. There's a window of opportunity, maybe I just missed it. Maybe if I don't act, i'll never really know. Maybe I need this more than anything. Or maybe, this is what it means.. this is where I come undone. This is where I flee and make it final. Do I quit? Do I wait? Do I really have the power to do anything but those two?
Name the last time I wrote about something other than you.
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Crazy day.
Woke up, did the whatever stuff.
Went to my last drug class.
Picked up Ryan and went to ADAM for a letter H party.
Went home and cleaned up my room.
B, Sipe, Ryan and I went to Rosco's. It was super legit.
I Got the hot waitress' phone number.
Went to Ben Pettey's. Hung out with Paul, Mike Patches, Schills, Marty & co.
Had a couple of tasty beverages and watched Cube zero (worst cube) and Stickmen (pretty good).
So, that's my night.
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Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
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So, i'm just going to fucking do it. I've been avoiding typing this out all morning, because it's such a long involved tale and frankly.. I feel odd trying to remember the details. This is hands down one of the most fucked up dreams I've ever had, if not the most fucked up (and anyone who knows me, knows that is quite the claim).
It starts off in a pool hall. There's a huge tournament going on. I'm pretty sure it was something like 50 players, $1000 entrance fee winner takes all deal. After some super intense pool, I win (tell you what guys, in my dreams i can fucking shoot the lights out). At this point it's super late/really early and livonia is reminescent of like... a coastal town and i decide to stop in at the aquarium shop that has the super bad ass stuff that i could never afford before. well, i have no idea how i was able to get in... because, it was obvious that if there WAS anyone working that time of night they were asleep. So, i'm looking around and i see this HUGE tank.. more like one of those short pond displays, only waaay bigger (because it was like 3-4 feet deep rather than just like 6 inches). Everything inside the tank looked like miniature toy versions of like deep sea creatures. Squid, marlins, WHALES (the whale was like a foot and everything else was a couple inches). I was thinking maybe this shit was like fake, like toys or something? So, i grabbed a net and caught something just to see the mechanics of it, but when i pulled it out there was this huge like 3 foot fish flopping around next to me. So, i freaked out and threw it back in the tank and it disappeared into the mini-ocean and i stood there freaking out. I kept seeing little human like things come in and out of sight, so i decided to catch one and see what it actually was. After like 10 minutes of trying i got one... it was a fucking mermaid. She was super hot, and we talked about how she had never been anywhere but like the ocean and that tank. So I decide there's no way I'm going to leave her there, and i'm fucking balling so I kind of shout into the store "I'm ready to checkout." Some crazy ass haggard old mariner looking fucker comes out and starts giving me all these rules about buying the mermaid (her name was nadia). I can't help compare it to the old chinese guy in gremlins and the mogwai rules, only very few of the rules actually pertained to her care. And he was REALLY trying to scare the shit out of me, because with each rule he did some crazy sorcerer bullshit and like made an example of the rule and it's consequence fly around my head... like a bad instructional video on acid. Most of them were bs to try and get me to not want her anymore. I'm pretty sure the last one was that I couldn't play pool anymore. So, i sign this contract and we leave (luckilly when out of water she has legs). Nadia looks like Jenna Malone and I'm just freaking out. I call my mom and she starts yelling and she's like "you can't have a fucking mermaid in the house, you've already got too many fish" so in an attempt to make my mom see that she's not just a fucking fish (and just because I wanted to do it in my dream) Nadia and I got married. And things were going pretty good, besides the fact that crazy guys (very similar to the initial pet store wizard) kept trying to abduct her. Like Every 10 hours she needed to be immersed in salt water and she had to eat sea food all the time, it was weird, but it was okay because she was damn hot. Anyways, I came home from work and B and Sipe and my mom were all pretty much right where I am now by the computer staring at my fish tank. Apparently misty was a hollow shell and some other fish had pretty much consumed her and b and sipe were like hmm, i wonder if we can save it. And my mom was just furious and screaming. I didn't much care, I just went up to my room expecting to find Nadia.. But, she wasn't there. So i went back downstairs and asked if they'd seen her and they said no. I couldn't manage to pull any of them away from the fish tank to help me look, so i just went outside to look by myself. I saw my neighbor accross the street and I asked her if she'd seen Nadia and she handed me her telephone. I said hello, and come to find out my neighbor had been talking to nadia. It was like pulling teeth to get her to tell me where she was, apparently there was an underground river or something beneath my neighbors house that you had to go through there basement to get to and it was all sea water. I don't know exactly. I just remembered that I was excited that she finally had a safe spot to swim. I don't know. Craziest 8 hour sleep of my life.
I restrung stilgar, and got my amp back. Shit's about to go down.
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This isn't news, but livejournal doesn't work on my normal computer... so, if you didn't already know all my hair is gone.
Furthermore, I (along with my firm) have quit smoking cigarettes. We all have our reasons. Mine, personally? The testimonials of those who would KILL to be where I am now, only having smoked a couple years. One I received personally from a man at PF&M after I coughed. He told me about the 30 thousand dollars he spent last year alone just to stay alive. How he lost his wife and son (to cigarette related illness). At the time I was a douche bag and was like "whatev, i'll wait till he leaves to take my smoke break." But, now i fucking get it. I fucking get it because I saw the lucky strike lady on a video at my drug class today and she couldn't do more than a raspy whisper. She couldn't drink through a straw. She couldn't hardly tell her story. And that was only after a couple decades of smoking. ALL i've ever wanted to do was make music, i'm gunna be real sweet then huh?
I'm not saying I won't ever smoke another cigarette. But, fuck... is it really worth it?
I'm going to miss it when I'm driving... Because, that was part of the freedom. Whether it was driving home with schills in highschool or driving myself to work at AMC, there was always a stop to the guy who would sell me a pack. It was part of the freedom, now it's just habbit.
I'm going to miss it when I'm writing/playing music. If you counted up all the hours spent with me, a guitar and a pack of cigarettes you'd have at least a month just from the past year alone. Gave me a second to sit back and think, before rushing forward.
I'm going to miss it at diners with friends. I don't even know what a non-smoking section is like anymore. Coffee and cigarettes with the right people was all i could ask for.
AHHH, all this is making me not want to fucking quit. Talk to me next week, the ACTUAL physical addiction will be gone. But, who knows how i'll feel.
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Monday, February 5th, 2007
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Ben told me about last night. Is all i'm saying.
Tonight we got food, watched poolhall junkies and shot some stick. S'all you can ask for.
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Sunday, February 4th, 2007
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i just threw up and feel a bit better. but i kind of came too without any pants? i don't know if i t hrew up blood or if my nose was bleeding or if i threw up blood through as my nose, but there was some blood involved. maybe this i can make it up the stairs and to bed.
pisd how'd i even get home? and where are my pants
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I fucking almost didn't make it sbecause it waws a lot of typ ing to sgucking get here but i my head is down right now and i'm just typing without whateavef. i am demolished. i have wworkin tin the morning and if i have to get drug tested i am sooo fucked. not beacuse of drugs but because i have to blow too. i really ned to get into bed beforte i i pass out or something. i love yhou.
i did this for my own benefit because i wanted to see how good i coud type without lookging or drunk and drunk.
if this is readiblke at all come see me or calkj me tomorrow or something because i need it
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Monday, January 29th, 2007
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IF YOUR LIFE WAS A MOVIE, WHAT WOULD THE SOUNDTRACK BE?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie
Opening Credits:
Strung Out Again - Elliott Smith
Waking Up:
There is a light that never goes out - The Smiths
First Day At School:
My First Kiss at the Public Execution - The blood brothers
Falling In Love:
One day women will all become monsters - chiodos
Fight Song:
Giants in the Ocean - Sky eats airplane
Breaking Up:
Downhill Racers - Cursive
Formal:
Always a Bridesmaid - The Good Life
Life's Okay:
Friday I'm in Love - The Cure
Mental Breakdown:
Champagne From a Paper Cup - Death Cab
Driving:
Harriet's Got a Song - Ben Kweller
Flashback:
Terrible, How Terrible for the City - As Cities Burn
Getting Back Together:
Well, I Never... - Drop Dead, Gorgeous
Wedding:
Southern Belles in London Sing - The Faint
Birth of a Child:
My Favorite Accident - Motion City
Final Battle:
Wildcat - Ratatat
Death Scene:
King of Carrot Flowers, Part I - Neutral Milk Hotel
Funeral Song:
Mall-Nutrition - Heavy Heavy Low Low
End Credits:
ACT II: All is ash or the light shining through it - The Sound of Animals Fighting
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Wednesday, January 24th, 2007
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So I fucking cleaned forever today aaaaand, when i finally got over to Sipe's it was just like what the fuck?
Dobbs on bass. He is seriously ridiculous. I mean don't get me wrong, he can play guitar... but he can HANDLE a bass. Like, he was always kinda sketchy on the whole rhythm bit.. those days are over apparently? He was completely keeping up with Gus on a verse part i would've NEVER imagined he could get down so good and he is writing great shit.
Davy Boy on fucking drums. Like, shit i didn't even know about was going down. He took the parts I knew and loved of Toronto and made them... I don't know that there's a word. I was thoroughly blown away and like Dboy was all "this is shitty, wait till it gets good."
THE FUCKING BREAKDOWN... I mean, that's ALL i'm saying. When you hear it, you'll know what i'm on about. Sipe + Dboy + Chugs + Me = freaking out.
Given, there was the whole ridiculous aspect of practice where everyone was all like "2 times? or 4 times." and the argument that followed. But really, whatever. Because if you hear the breakdown you know what's up.
Next week I'm going to go look into getting our rehearsal space and then shit is really on. I'm so excited, you don't even know.
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Thursday, January 11th, 2007
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I am SOOO happy with my fish right now. Mr. Fin stopped being all pissed off all the time. Jungle's eye is better. Buckley's getting that crazy hump on his head. Dobbs just dominated a cray fish (it was a pretty epic battle, green terror + pike cichlid + 2 Jack Dempsey's vs. a tiny crayfish... the crayfish was totally winning, until dobbs was like tasty and just swallowed it and then spit out a pincher thing).
I am also very happy with the man date I went on with Gus tonight. I took him away from the garden city cafe (that i still haven't gotten to enjoy, p.s.) and we went and saw Children of Men. Which was ridiculous. Then we went to the grecian. And left the grecian to get cigarettes. And went back to the grecian and from like 1 to 2:30 talked about music and < and just things. To be honest, we pretty much needed a ridiculous session of poor service and kool light 100's to bond because i don't see him nearly enough.
In other news, I set up a quarantine tank for my feeders. It's essentially a copper bath. I've seriously spent like 20 minutes just watching the crayfish. Too bad they're food this week.
That's life.
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Wednesday, January 10th, 2007
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i was totally going to update about nothing. Because my life is fish and music.
But then, out of the corner of my glazzies, i viddied a guitar. And it was on. That was half an hour ago.
SHINFO
Deal with it.
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